The other day, at the dermatologist office, was just another example of this happening. The nurse, who took me into the room, handed me a gown, and told me to remove my outer clothes, seemed somewhat awkward -- not very self assured. But she was excellent at what she did. She even noted that I had put the wrong birthdate on my admittance sheet. After the examination, when she finished giving me the final exit instructions, I popped the question. "So, what makes you an interesting person?"
Her eyes pivoted suspiciously to look directly at me and I thought she might be offended. But instead, she softened and said, "I feel like I am different. I don't feel like I usually fit in."
Her answer surprised me with its frankness and self-exposure. Generally people will respond with some positive trait, something they like about themselves. So this answer set me back on my heels a bit. I could see by her expression that she was being quite genuine in her response and I realized it merited a genuine response from me. Fortunately, God had been talking to me through the scripture in Genesis about diversity -- about people being different. I told her that we are in fact all different, but that that is the way God made us. In fact, He must ascribe great value to being different. God started his creative process by accentuating differences. That is why he started with a male and a female -- two, quite different renditions of the human being. By starting with two different entities in the reproductive process, it guaranteed that their off spring would themselves be different from their mother and father. And yet God said that it was good! Therefore, she should appreciate her differences as blessed by God rather than to be confounded by them.
As I led her down this path, her face seemed to relax and a smile crossed her lips. She said that no one had ever talked to her like that before. What surprised me farther was that she seemed like such a pleasant lady and it was rather late in her life to be dealing with such deep-seated self-esteem issues. We parted, knowing that both of us had been blessed by the conversation.
The other day that question again displayed its tactical advantage for getting to know someone quickly. I was in line at Aldi (my favorite grocery store!) and the guy behind me in line only had a couple of items in his hand. I told him to go ahead of me.
He was a middle-aged guy, dressed in black with a shaved head, numerous piercing and tattoos and a Fu Manchu beard. I figured he might have some interesting history, and was I ever correct. Turns out he was a weight lifter, bench-pressing over 600 lbs. He decided to get into muscle building when he watched pro-wrestling and admired the bulging muscles on the guys. He looks to be a good solid 220 lbs now but he said that he used to be a heroin addict and was down to 120lbs. One morning, after trying unsuccessfully to over-dose, he decided that he didn't want to do drugs anymore and just stopped -- cold turkey. He had also stopped smoking the same way. What an incredible display of will power! I told him that I hoped that he was able to share his amazing story with other kids who were addicted to drugs. He said he had this privilege a lot these days. Young people respect him for how authentic he is.
I had learned all of that and more from the application of a simple question while waiting in the checkout line at the store! Quite the experience! Moreover, the friendly Puerto Rican lady who was the cashier in line (the one whose house had been destroyed in the hurricane on the island -- something I had learned by asking her that same question!) overheard the conversation with this man. "He comes through a lot!" she told me later. She is going to give him my business card so that I can do some follow-up meetings with him!
If you consider using this question, be prepared to go places that you might never had gone otherwise. The human soul is a treasure house of gems ready to be mined for those who have a sincere interest in learning about others. Happy prospecting!
